5.8 Hardhome
Tyrion and Daenerys square off verbally, but he easily wins her over with his wit and counsels her against killing Ser Jorah. She accepts her as her advisor. Ser Jorah goes back to his slave master so he can fight for Daenerys at the pits. Cersei is tortured in her cell being prodded to confess. She alternates between begging and threatening her oppressor, but neither seems to work. She has been charged with treason, incest, and fornication. Arya carries on with her training, assuming a different identity to completely lose her own. Sansa confronts Theon about his betrayal. He admits to Sansa that Bran and Rickon are still alive. Ramsay suggests a preemptive attack against Stannis, but Roose does not agree. Jon Snow and Tormund reaches Hardhome. As expected, they don’t get the welcome they never thought of getting. The Wildlings are divided. Only around half of them agree to get on the boats, until an army of White Walkers descends and attacks all of them. Jon Snow stays behind and gets firsthand battle experience with a White Walker.
Aww, Ser Jorah’s TRO persists, and now he has greyscale to boot. That’s sad. The fun thing is that Dragon Mama and Tyrion are now BFFs. I love how Dragon Mama is all, like, ooh I’m so wise I can outwit you, hell yeah, I’m intimidating. But Tyrion is, like, nah, you won’t. This partnership will go places, seriously. Damn, Queen B. Now I have reason to believe Daddy Lannister when he said that you are not as wise as you think you are. Fine, fine, fine, there’s no YouTube in Westeros, no chance for your sex scandal with Prince Charming to go viral. But when just about every single living thing in Westeros is aware that you are shagging your brother, it’s not that hard to predict that the religious freaks you think you’re controlling will catch on fast enough, right? This is so Mean Girls. Queen B is Regina George, and the High Sparrow just Cady Heron’d her. Anyway, I love Angry Little Dove. She’s starting to master a convincing resting bitch face. I love it. Time to let your bad side reign, Little Dove. Give ‘em hell! And yes, Zombies. Zombies!
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